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GRIPE OF THE DAY
On today’s issue, we’d be looking at;
Relationship Agreements.
What they are and why they are so powerful in romantic relationships.
7 core agreements all dating couples must make before they tie the knot.
Playbook for making agreements.
Let’s begin!!!
THE BREAKDOWN
Relationship agreements are rules you and your romantic partner create and agree on. You both subject yourselves to these rules that span different scenarios and events. They can cover anything from several date nights, to how you talk to each other—especially during heated moments, the boundaries you both place in the relationship and with outsiders and other stuff.
They help keep you and your partner in check and ensure you’re both headed in the same direction of relationship harmony and bliss. The beautiful thing about it is that the agreements can change and evolve as you and your partner undergo personal changes and evolutions. The most important thing here is; that it can only be binding when both parties agree to abide by it.
For all the dating couples who expect to tie the knot soon, here are 7 core agreements I recommend you make ASAP;
1. You both agree that divorce is not an option. Irrespective of what happens, you would stay and try to fix the marriage. You both agree to treat the marriage union as a partnership for the rest of your lives.
2. You both agree to have joint accountability with your finances. To avoid money disagreements in your marriage, agree that in your union, you treat all income after taxes as money for the family unit. This means no secret bank accounts, no secret credit card debt, and no secret spending or splurging on stuff. To make this even better and more attainable, from the joint finances, you can decide on a particular percentage you each have as your allowances every month to spend on things you both individually want A.K.A your fun buckets.
Example: The wife is a creator and makes £1,000,000 a year as revenue, while her husband works in a tech company that serves finance firms and makes £3,000,000 a year. This makes the joint income £4,000,000 a year. The wife keeps £600,000 as her net profit while her husband keeps £1,800,000 as his net profit. This means the joint income of the household is £2,400,000 a year. Both the wife and husband can decide to keep 5% of the yearly net income each as their share for their fun buckets. This means that the wife and the husband get to keep £120,000 a year to buy things they want and truly enjoy. This brings their monthly fun bucket budget to £10,000 each. This means that as a unit the couple now has £2,160,000 as family income to budget into their investments, savings, personal needs for the family and everything else.
This agreement also means that you make financial goals together as a unit using the money available for the unit.
3. You both agree to switch parents. Inlaw issues are one of the reasons married couples end up divorced. To combat this you’re going to have to switch families. This means that when it comes to caring for the wife’s parents and family the husband should take the lead and when it comes to caring for the husband’s parents and family, the wife should take the lead. Also, whatever is done for one side of the family, must be done for the other side of the family. The goal of this agreement is to represent the unity of marriage. This means that because the husband and wife are now one in the eyes of God and the law, the wife’s parents also become the husband’s parents and the husband’s parents become the wife’s parents. This shifts the perspective from “my parents” to “our parents”.
4. You both agree to look out for and defend each other. This agreement also extends when dealing with inlaws. As a rule of thumb to avoid family drama, if any member of the husband’s side of the family e.g. his mom, has an issue with his wife, the husband must defend his wife from his mom IMMEDIATELY. This also means that if any member of the wife’s side of the family e.g. her dad, has an issue with her husband, the wife must defend her husband from her father IMMEDIATELY.
This agreement also means that you both DO NOT TALK DOWN ON YOUR SPOUSE IN FRONT OF FAMILY OR OUTSIDERS OR REPORT YOUR SPOUSES TO FAMILY MEMBERS. UNLESS THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE TO IS A TRAINED RELATIONSHIP COACH OR MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
5. You both have to agree to talk about everything. Draw out strict effective communication rules and guidelines to follow. Some guidelines I recommend are;
- Nobody interrupts the other when they’re talking
- Both parties in the conversation will have equal time to talk.
- You must make time daily to talk to each other without distractions.
- Always share how you feel lovingly.
- Be mindful of tone, timing and attitude when communicating, especially when the topic is “sensitive”.
6. You both have to agree on total transparency. This means no extra phones that nobody knows anything about.
No password on your phones AND IF YOU MUST HAVE A PASSWORD ON YOUR PHONE YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD KNOW IT. This also means that your spouse should not only know all your social media accounts on the various platforms you’re on but also have these accounts signed in permanently on their phones. (This goes for both the husband and the wife). Of course, this also means no secret social media accounts and no friends either party does not know or approve of.
7. Lastly, agree to kiss, hug, and say 'I love you' daily, regardless of mood or situation. This strengthens your bond and has numerous health benefits. Psychologist Dr. Arthur Sazbo found that morning kisses make people happy, confident, and productive.
Those who make it a habit may live five years longer. It's not just the kiss itself but its positive effects on the body, like burning calories and regulating heartbeat.
Hugging boosts the immune system, while daily 'I love you's' increases self-esteem and self-worth.
COMMUNITY UPDATES
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YOUR PLAYBOOK
Creating relationship agreements is simple but not easy. So here’s the rundown of how I advise you to approach this delicate subject;
Co-mmu-ni-cate E-ffe-ct-iv-ly
This is the foundation for everything you’re trying to accomplish. Mess this up and you can kiss whatever agreement you had planned to make goodbye. Learn how to use a good tone, body language that signifies interest in the conversation that is about to take place, non-triggering language/words and effective active listening skills.
Tailor your relationship agreement to your unique relationship
Many people, including some of my clients, often make the mistake of basing their relationship agreements on what they see in other people's relationships, like those of their friends or what they see in movies. Your agreements should be based on what you truly want in your relationship, considering your values, must-haves, and personal preferences, rather than copying someone else's relationship.
Get accountability
Accountability helps us follow and maintain the rules we set for ourselves. The only form of accountability I recommend is that of a certified and trained relationship coach or marriage counsellor/therapist. Because they aren’t only trained to help with any issues that may arise, but they give non-biased feedback to both parties depending on the current situation.
Be flexible
Know that your agreements are not set in stone. As your relationship (marriage) evolves your agreements will also change. This is inevitable. Be flexible enough to know when an agreement has stopped serving its purpose so that you can discard it and create one that better suits the time and season of your relationship.
COMMUNITY PERKS
As a valued community member, I can assist you in effortlessly attracting your ideal romantic partner and nurturing a satisfying relationship through my simple 3-step method and services;
1. Through the Love Navigator program. It is a tailored coaching program to help you confidently navigate the dating scene. This program will teach you the art of vetting potential romantic partners and mastering the skills to become irresistible to your ideal match. You can express your interest in embarking on this transformative journey here.
You can also opt-in for personalized one-off coaching sessions with me to tackle your romantic relationship challenges and get your personalised roadmap for relationship success.
2. Through this FREE email newsletter, my YouTube channel, and various social media platforms I have an account with, I consistently share the unspoken rules, principles and secrets that guide healthy romantic relationships.
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3. Through my digital product offerings. They are the tools you need to conquer any obstacle that may arise to threaten your relationship's harmony.
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